just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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