we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
