You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
They took my balls.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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