dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
