Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
