it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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