Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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