I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
