There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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