kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
