if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
