why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
