you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
