he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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