mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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