Your tits are I can't wait for
just come out here and I will go home with you...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
