She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
