Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize