what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
