I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
