good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
