I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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