I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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