I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
