Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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