she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
