Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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