the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
