I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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