His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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