His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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