This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
