we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Randomize
