I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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