There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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