I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
