Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
BRING THE BAGELS
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
