end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
