I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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