the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize