You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
