I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm just crazy horny about you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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