You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
