How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
