woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize