Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
