I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
