Dual....:-)
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize