Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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