Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
