I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
