is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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