I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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