when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
