We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
