He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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