Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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