he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize