her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
