I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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