I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
