so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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