we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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