im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
