I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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