It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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