his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
