Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
