If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
