my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize