thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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