They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
