I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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