Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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