its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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