You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
