We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
