Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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