it was like his penis was on wheels.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
