Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
