i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Randomize
