I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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