I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
