Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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