I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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