you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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