I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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