i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I am naked and annoyed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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