god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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