i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
