Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
