i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
