The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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