Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
