I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
