Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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