When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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