so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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